I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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