It was confusing and full of hummus
you mean i was at the winter classic?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
