theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
