Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
