I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
