everyone is single if you try hard enough
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
