so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
