Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
