people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
