Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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