i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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