We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
