We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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