i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
