he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
