if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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