everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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