I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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