you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
