You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
