My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
