I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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