you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
