I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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