I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
