my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
