My underwear smells like fireworks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
