So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
