hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
