i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
