So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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