forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
