I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
