I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
