Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
