My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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