I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Who died my cat blue again?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
