dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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