i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
