Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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