You smell like a Billy Joel song
people are starting to question the shark bite story
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
