I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
