Quick, to the slutcave!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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