You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
