He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
