I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
