you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
