Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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