I am puke
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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