just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
