how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize