I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it hurts more in the daytime
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
