just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
