i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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