This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
