Who wears a wallet chain?!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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