No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
