You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
