It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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