she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
