I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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