so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
