i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
