Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
