i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Welp...herpes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
