I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize